Review: Jennifer’s Body

Jennifer’s Body (2009)
102 minutes
Rated – R
Directed by Karyn Kusama
Starring:  Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried

Grade: C

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One thing I learned after seeing Jennifer’s Body—don’t watch a horror/erotic teen flick when teenagers will be swarming the theaters.  They laugh before they get scared.  They laugh when they are about to feel horny.  And they laugh when they get a funny text message from a person sitting next to them who are trying to make light of the fact that they are turned on or scared.  Try enjoying a movie with that kind of audience.

And if you’re seeing Jennifer’s Body, expect to have it.

If you didn’t pick up on the quirky teen lingo of Diablo Cody’s world in Juno, you certainly can’t miss it in her follow up film, Jennifer’s Body. The movie is a salacious look into the high school teen world where Jennifer (Megan Fox) becomes a demon who needs to feed on teenage boys in order to stay perky and beautiful.

It starts after Jennifer and her BFF Anita, aka Needy, (played by Amanda Seyfried) go to a local dive bar in their small town, interestingly named, Devils Kettle.  They go to the bar, despite being high school teenagers, to watch a band from the city called Low Shoulder.  The band happens to be a group of Satanists who believe that by sacrificing a virgin they will receive eternal wealth and fame.  So they choose Jennifer.

Only one problem.

As Jennifer confesses to Needy moments before she leaves with the band:  “I’m not even a backdoor virgin.  And do you know that really hurts?  I couldn’t go to flags the next day because I had to sit on a bag of peas.”

Right.

Because of the bands lack of obvious ability to distinguish which of the two girls is a virgin, the band sacrifices the class slut.  Although the band does become rich and famous, by not sacrificing a virgin they have now released a demon that possesses Jennifer’s body.

If you’re looking to get scared during this movie, don’t expect it.  If you’re looking to get excited (you know what I mean), it’ll happen from time to time.  If you’re looking to see good acting, try the theater down the hall.  Megan Fox didn’t impress me with any Oscar winning acting ability (although I’m sure someone will give her a serious role some day and she will be carrying the gold, bald-headed bodybuilder at some point in her career).

You will enjoy this movie if you like Diablo Cody’s writing and are looking for new “Honest to blog?” kind of expressions to add to your very extensive teenage terminology.  But certainly don’t expect a second coming of the Evil Dead or a sequel to Juno. This movie is mediocre at best and I’m only giving it a C because it is somewhat entertaining.  But it has some major plot holes and characters with empty story lines that are on screen solely to be eaten by a BONEfide zombie.

If only George Romero or Sam Raimi got a hold of this script.  Then we would have really gotten the blood sucking/erotic/pimple popping/cherry popping horror comedy experience many of us were hoping for. 

Box Office Results: Audience eats up ‘Meatballs’ this weekend

Studio Results for September 18-20:

1.  Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs – $30.1 million
2.  The Informant! – $10.5 million
3.  Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself – $10.1 million
4.  Love Happens – $8.5 million
5.  Jennifer’s Body – $6.8 million

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The family-friendly animated feature, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, took the box office by storm this weekend with an impressive $30.1 million.  The screenings in 3-D and IMAX certainly helped, as it counted for about $20 million of its weekend gross.  Runner-up went to The Informant! with $10.5 million.  According to Warner Bros’ research, 72 percent of ticket sales went to people 30 years of age or older.

Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself landed the third spot with $10.1 million on its second weekend.  The romantic comedy, Love Happens, debuted fourth in the box office with $8.5 million.  And rounding out the Top 5 was the disappointing Jennifer’s Body with $6.8 million.

As for our predictions, Sheehan and I both predicted all five films in the Top 5 correctly, but only two of the five in the right order.  We both had Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs at the top, but then faltered after that.  We both completely over-shot Jennifer’s Body.  We’ll try to do better next time.

On Friday there will be three new wide releases hitting the theaters:  two sci-fi/action films, Pandorum and Surrogates… and then the musical Fame.  Check back on Friday for our new predictions.

Box Office Predictions (Sept. 18-20)

Another Friday, another four new releases hitting the theaters.  Once again, we have an animation, a horror, and a romantic comedy.  But the film that sticks out like a sore thumb is Steven Soderbergh’s, The Informant!

The Informant! is an R-rated film starring Matt Damon as a corporate whistleblower who goes undercover for the FBI.  The previews and commercials make the pic look a lot like a comedy, but I’m expecting a lot more from Soderbergh.  Opening in about 2,500 theaters, the competition might be too steep this weekend for The Informant! to really make an impact.

The family animation film this weekend is titled, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.  And guess what?  It’s available in 3-D and in Imax!  It’s been a while since there was a movie targetting kids and families, so expect this to top the box office.

And then there’s Jennifer’s Body, the screenplay follow-up from Diablo Cody (Juno).  Starring Megan Fox, the film is a horror/comedy about a teenage girl who eats boys.  It has an R-rating, which should inhibit its box office success a bit.  But opening in about 2,700 theaters and being able to attract male and female viewers should easily rank this film into the Top 5.

Finally, there’s a cute romantic-comedy out starring Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eckhart titled, Love Happens.  This film doesn’t appeal to me, but that’s probably since the target demographic for the flick will be young adult-adult women who want their Hollywood-romance fix.  Debuting in about 1,800 theaters, let’s see if it’ll make the Top 5.

Here are our predictions…

My Predictions:

1.  Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs – $27 million
2.  Jennifer’s Body – $15 million
3.  Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself – $11 million
4.  The Informant! – $10 million
5.  Love Happens – $8 million

Sheehan’s Predictions:

1.  Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs – $40 million
2.  Jennifer’s Body – $25 million
3.  The Informant! – $16 million
4.  Love Happens – $13 million
5.  Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself – $12 million

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I can’t wait to see “Jennifer’s Body”

Why?  Well isn’t the reason obvious?  Actually is it?  I could say it’s because of the smoking hot brunette starring in the movie.  Or I could say it’s because of the girl-on-girl kiss between Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried.  Or maybe it’s because it looks like a pretty kick ass horror movie (okay that one was a blatant lie… I hate horror films).  Maybe I’ll gain some credibility if I said I’m pumped because this is Diablo Cody’s follow-up screenplay to her Oscar-winning Juno.

Okay, all of the reasons above are true as to why I’m stoked to watch Jennifer’s Body (yes, even because it’s a horror film.  Heck, Drag Me to Hell was awesome.  This looks like it really has potential).  And plus… just look at her!  Dang.

Jennifer’s Body will hit the theaters on September 18.  Save the date.

Seth Rogen talks about being rejected by Megan Fox

Here is a clip of Seth Rogen’s conversation with Jimmy Kimmel on his late night talk show.  The hilarious moment comes when Seth reminisces about his first encounter with Megan Fox a few years ago on Jimmy Kimmel Live.  Thanks to my buddy Chris for the tip…

The Weekly Top 5

1.  Why Twilight might ruin Comic-Con. Yes, this has to do with the freaks who call themselves Twilight fanatics.  They travel in hordes, they scream at a deafening high pitch, they pant at the sight of Rob Pattinson… and the majority of the world is crossing their fingers that this species will soon be extinct.

2.  Roger Ebert discusses Hollywood’s need to adapt toys and board games into films.

3.  Slash Film broke down the first five Harry Potter films and rated them on how critics and the public thought of them.  I’m happy that this proves that my favorite of the series, Prisoner of Azkaban, is the majority’s favorite as well.

4.  Here is a list of the worst-reviewed, highest grossing movies.  As you can expect, the recent surge of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was a catalyst for this post.

5.  Top Ten Reasons to See Bruno (on David Letterman):

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And I just want to throw in a bonus movie poster to finish off The Weekly Top 5…

Hell Yes indeed.

Jennifer’s Body Red Band Trailer

If you haven’t heard already, the writer/ex-stripper Diablo Cody (Juno) has penned up a high school horror film called Jennifer’s Body starring the guy-magnet Megan Fox.  It’s about a gorgeous cheerleader who has a demon inside of her that consumes boys.

I’m not sure why they even released a red band trailer.  So there was one curse in the entire two minutes?  Anyway, I’m expecting a hip dialogue and surprises from Cody in this horror movie… but should I be?  Juno was an oddball film that somehow caught fire and was a box office hit for an indie movie.  Heck, it was nominated for Best Picture (when Best Picture nominations counted).  It doesn’t seem like Jennifer’s Body has the same intent, but you never know.  Oh, and all this talk from Megan Fox only using 7% of her acting abilities in Transformers 2.  Well this is her chance to shine.  But again, this is a horror movie… so she’s probably only used about 40% of her so-called “talent.”  As for now, I’m slightly interested but no where close counting the days until the release.

Box Office Predictions (June 26-28)

It’s the end of June and the summer has seen a bunch of blockbuster films that have been banking in their success along with a few surprise hits.  But now the big guns have been pulled out.

Michael Bay’s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has already hit theaters since Wednesday and will definitely take the weekend by storm.  Grossing $16 million from its midnight showings and approximately $60 million on Wednesday, I think it’s safe to say that this super-sequel will top the box office.  The question is… how much will it make?  If you haven’t heard, the critics are bashing this film to no end.  How much will that affect the public?

Also opening this weekend is My Sister’s Keeper.  This drama starring Cameron Diaz will open in about 2,600 theaters.  This film doesn’t scream “blockbuster” at all since it’s a serious drama about a girl wtih leukemia.  This will be a tear-jerking film in the middle of the loud and funny summer.  Can it survive?

Here are our predictions…

My Predictions:

1.  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – $102 million
2.  The Proposal – $20 million
3.  The Hangover – $18 million
4.  Up – $14 million
5.  My Sister’s Keeper – $10 million

Chris’ Predictions:

1.  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – $115 million
2.  My Sister’s Keeper – $22 million
3.  The Proposal – $20 million
4.  The Hangover – $14 million
5.  Up – $9 million

Phil’s Predictions:

1.  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – $50 million
2.  My Sister’s Keeper – $24 million
3.  The Hangover – $14 million
4.  The Proposal – $10 million
5.  Up – $8 million

Sheehan’s Predictions:

1.  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – $84 million
2.  The Proposal – $24 million
3.  The Hangover – $20 million
4.  My Sister’s Keeper – $15 million
5.  Up – $14 million

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To no surprise, the Predictions Panel has Transformers 2 winning the box office, though our gross estimates differ greatly.  Chris and I believe Transformers will break the $100 million mark for the weekend while Phil thinks the negative reviews will hinder its success.  Meanwhile, Phil and Chris have My Sister’s Keeper in the #2 slot, predicting the movie will make over $20 its opening weekend, but Sheehan and I think the movie will make significantly less.

Let’s see how our predictions hold up.  Check back on Monday for the box office results.

Hilarious Reviews for ‘Transformers 2’

Oh yeah, if you haven’t heard already, movie critics are bashing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen to no end.  Here’s the great thing about negative movie reviews, they’re actually pretty funny.  Check them out:

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“If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.”
– Roger Ebert

“But what’s wrong here is that there’s so much swirling, relentless action, indistinct robot characterizations and over-caffeinated techies loose on the special-effects machines that the movie, in mere seconds, achieves incoherence.”
– John Anderson (Washington Post)

“This is blockbuster porn absent even the suggestion of care or concern for anything that might resemble “a point,” save the obvious one to move more Hasbro action figures and animated-series DVD boxed sets.”
– Robert Wilonsky (The Village Voice)

“‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ is – there’s no polite way to say this – 2 1/2 hours of tumescence disguised as a motion picture. Giant robots smash each other to rivets, Shanghai and the Egyptian pyramids are reduced to rubble, fighter jets scream across the sky, bombs burst in air, and Megan Fox’s measurements are deployed on the screen for maximum effect.”
– Ty Burr (The Boston Globe)

“After only an hour, it all feels boring and numbingly repetitive, and one glance and the watch tells you you’ve got another solid hour and a half to go.”
– Christy Lemire (Associated Press)

“Director Michael Bay’s film — which has two settings, “puree” and “liquify” — is like that scene in “Raging Bull,” when Joe Pesci slams a car door against the guy’s head, over and over. Bay’s sequel is the car door; the audience is the guy.”
– Michael Phillips (Chicago Tribune)

“So kick back, dig into your jumbo faux butter-drenched popcorn, and slurp your gargantuan soda while experiencing the kind of supersized mayhem that only Michael Bay can deliver. It’s a question of whether the cholesterol in the “butter” will harden your arteries before what’s on the celluloid can cause brain death.”
– James Berardinelli (Reelviews)

“As big, dumb summer “entertainments” go, they don’t get much bigger or much dumber than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The briefly amusing mash-up/crunch-up of a couple of summers back has been recycled into an epic two and a half hours of explosions, ponderous cartoon history, veiled racism and inept geography. Is it the worst movie of the summer? Possibly. Will everybody see it? Probably.”
– Roger Moore (Orlando Sentinel)

Megan Fox is FHM’s Sexiest Woman (Again)

Is there anyone hotter than Megan Fox right now?  Popularity-wise… no.  Appearance-wise… apparently not.  After about 10 million votes on FHM’s poll for who is the sexiest woman, Megan Fox defends her title at the top for a second straight year.  At 23-years-old, she’s simply on top of the world with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen hitting theaters today.

Here’s the Top 10 from the 100 women who made the list:

10.  Katy Perry
9.  Anne Hathaway
8.  Heidi Montag
7.  Elisha Cuthbert
6.  Adriana Lima
5.  Madeline Zima
4.  Jessica Biel
3.  Scarlett Johansson
2.  Jessica Alba
1.  Megan Fox