Hilarious Reviews for ‘Transformers 2’

Oh yeah, if you haven’t heard already, movie critics are bashing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen to no end.  Here’s the great thing about negative movie reviews, they’re actually pretty funny.  Check them out:

“If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.”
Roger Ebert

“But what’s wrong here is that there’s so much swirling, relentless action, indistinct robot characterizations and over-caffeinated techies loose on the special-effects machines that the movie, in mere seconds, achieves incoherence.”
John Anderson (Washington Post)

“This is blockbuster porn absent even the suggestion of care or concern for anything that might resemble “a point,” save the obvious one to move more Hasbro action figures and animated-series DVD boxed sets.”
Robert Wilonsky (The Village Voice)

“‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ is – there’s no polite way to say this – 2 1/2 hours of tumescence disguised as a motion picture. Giant robots smash each other to rivets, Shanghai and the Egyptian pyramids are reduced to rubble, fighter jets scream across the sky, bombs burst in air, and Megan Fox’s measurements are deployed on the screen for maximum effect.”
Ty Burr (The Boston Globe)

“After only an hour, it all feels boring and numbingly repetitive, and one glance and the watch tells you you’ve got another solid hour and a half to go.”
Christy Lemire (Associated Press)

“Director Michael Bay’s film — which has two settings, “puree” and “liquify” — is like that scene in “Raging Bull,” when Joe Pesci slams a car door against the guy’s head, over and over. Bay’s sequel is the car door; the audience is the guy.”
Michael Phillips (Chicago Tribune)

“So kick back, dig into your jumbo faux butter-drenched popcorn, and slurp your gargantuan soda while experiencing the kind of supersized mayhem that only Michael Bay can deliver. It’s a question of whether the cholesterol in the “butter” will harden your arteries before what’s on the celluloid can cause brain death.”
James Berardinelli (Reelviews)

“As big, dumb summer “entertainments” go, they don’t get much bigger or much dumber than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The briefly amusing mash-up/crunch-up of a couple of summers back has been recycled into an epic two and a half hours of explosions, ponderous cartoon history, veiled racism and inept geography. Is it the worst movie of the summer? Possibly. Will everybody see it? Probably.”
Roger Moore (Orlando Sentinel)


4 Responses to Hilarious Reviews for ‘Transformers 2’

  1. reeltoreel says:

    I loved Ebert’s and Phillips’ reviews. They were more entertaining than the movie!

  2. Wypjthas says:

    What’s your number? pthc girl

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